“How can somebody be so selfish?”
“What in the world were they thinking?”
“Why would somebody do that?!?!”
“When does life get that bad, really?”
These are all questions and comments I’ve heard over the past week, or really anytime anyone in the public’s eye dies from suicide.
Let me ask you – Have you ever been in a place in life where there seemed no way out? Have you ever contemplated suicide? Has life gotten so bad that you didn’t want to live anymore?
My answer to all those questions is YES. I have been in a place where there seemed no way out, I have contemplated suicide, and I didn’t want to live anymore.
And I got help.
See, I was suffering from a mental illness – depression, anxiety, and PTSD. And if you’ve never suffered with a mental illness before you might not understand why someone would take their own life. But I do understand. I don’t think it’s right and the best way out, but I do understand.
The way out is tough work. It’s very hard, strenuous on all areas of life, and often requires major adjustments in work, relationships, and the way you do life. And if you don’t have guidance from a professional this hard work seems impossible.
I had gotten to a place where life off the couch was so intimidating. I couldn’t deal with the emotions and thoughts in my own head, much less trying to deal with someone else’s thoughts and opinions too. I developed severe social anxiety (which I still battle to this day). I also had daily anxiety attacks and multiple panic attacks. My brain was totally freaking out. And I was so afraid to unload the dishwasher or cook because that would require me to touch a knife. And all I wanted to do was take that knife right across my wrists to relieve the pressure of the physical and emotional pain I was in.
With the help of my amazingly talented counselor, Sybil, I was able to slowly come out of the deep dark hole I was in and able to function in life again. But this took time. A lot of time. Effort, tears, and HARD, HARD work. About 10 years worth. And, I did it. But not by myself.
So, I say to you: Don’t judge what you haven’t known. Until you wear those shoes you have no idea. And you never know what someone is dealing with behind closed doors.
AND I also say to you: If you are in a place where there seems to be no way out please get help! Call this number now: 1-800-273-8255
There is always a way out. Talk to someone you know and trust, or get help from a professional. You are loved. You are not alone. You can do this.
“Therefore, since we have been surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off every weight and the sin that so easily entangles us. And let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”