Are you a perfectionist like me?

Hi. My name is Carrie. And I am a recovering perfectionist.

I like things neat, tidy, my way, and perfect. And I prefer the people around me to be too.

However, that’s not real life.

Real life is messy, imperfect, unpredictable, painful, and way out of my control. (God is showing me this pretty intensely in the current season of my life. Sigh.)

I feel like part of being a perfectionist is feeling in control. And when life spirals out of control then we freak out, stress out, and our anxiety hits the roof (and perhaps blows it to smithereens).

Control is really an illusion. There are certain things in life that we can control such as:

  • What we eat
  • What we wear
  • What we talk about
  • What we think about
  • Our happiness
  • Who we hang out with
  • How seriously we take life
  • What we believe
  • Our priorities
  • How kind we are

Other than that, God has the ultimate say on what goes on in this crazy world of ours. We can’t control other people. We can’t control situations. We can’t control hate.

So, if you’re a perfectionist – recovering or not- like me, I invite for you to take a step back. Allow God to do His thing (He’s actually really good at it) and give Him control over all things. All things.

All things.

Proverbs 19:21

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

To Love or Not to Love

Are you willing to potentially have a broken heart? Are you willing to be vulnerable? Are you willing to put your self on the line?

I heard this quote from a Brene Brown book. It struck me then and even more now.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

-C.S. Lewis

Sometimes in life we put ourselves out there. We risk being seen. We allow ourselves, our thoughts, our visions, our goals, our lives to be vulnerable. We risk it all.

For love.

This quote struck me intensely today because my heart is breaking over a situation. But this quote reminds me that giving love (a.k.a. time, energy, feeling, passion…) is taking a risk. Perhaps the biggest risk in life.

But if we choose to lock ourselves away, harden our hearts, and allow no one in then we’ll never experience what God intended for us. We might be stifling the greatest gift God has for our lives. And let me tell you I have hardened my heart before and it’s not a fun place to be.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 22:37-39:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.

So, the question, “To love or not to love?” has an answer. Right here. We are told to love God and love people. All people.

Is your heart breaking today? Perhaps, you too have allowed yourself to love and you’ve been hurt in the process. Take heart my friend.

God is with us, and He is for us! There is nothing in this world that can separate us from His love. That doesn’t mean that life won’t hurt. God is very clear that we will have trouble in this world. But take heart, “He has overcome the world.”

Isaiah 26:3

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you.

What Does a Health Coach Eat?

I get asked all the time:

What do you eat? What is your diet like?

So, I thought I’d share!

Today’s menu:

Breakfast: Plantain pancakes with handpicked blueberries

Lunch: Cheesy frittata with sprouts and homemade raw chocolate milk (sweetened with maple syrup)

Dinner: Salad with grilled chicken and probably ice cream for dessert

Yes, I give thanks to God before every meal, following the model of Jesus at the last supper.

Luke 22:19

And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”

Yes, I eat organic fruits and veggies.

Yes, I eat dairy: cheese, raw milk, sour cream… because my body handles it well.

Yes, I eat chocolate. Dark chocolate- over 70% cacao- nearly everyday. (When I travel I even take some with me because I have a serious sweet tooth.)

Yes, I eat meat. All kinds. My body needs it. I don’t eat meat every day, however. And I do buy organic chicken, organic grass fed beef, and wild caught fish.

Yes, I eat gluten free grains: oats, quinoa, flax…

Yes, I eat sugar. But in very limited quantities. And if I make a recipe that calls for sugar I always substitute maple syrup, honey, or monk fruit sweetener in its place.

Yes, I eat chips and salsa, gluten free pizza, and ice cream, among other things too!

I very much try to live by the 80/20 rule. 80% of the time I try to eat as healthy as I can. 20% of the time I eat whatever I want (as long as its gluten free.)

No, I don’t eat gluten. Read my last blog post here to read why.

No, I don’t buy conventionally grown produce (unless it’s absolutely necessary).

No, I don’t drink alcohol. God has asked me not to so that I am not a stumbling block for anyone. (Plus, my body doesn’t like it.)

And if I’m ever somewhere that I am completely out of control of what is being served (and it’s far from what I would choose) then I give thanks anyways.

What I eat is what works well for my body. And what is healthy for me may not be healthy for you.

I encourage you to eat what works well for your body. And if you don’t know start experimenting and noticing. Notice how you feel and what is happening inside your body right after you eat and two hours later also. Your body will tell you so many things if you just listen.

And if you need more guidance tuning in and figuring out what your body needs pray about it! And if God so leads, message me and I’m happy to help you too!

To Gluten or Not to Gluten..

This seems to be a hot topic these days and I’d love to share with you what I’ve learned from research and experience.

Gluten is a binder in grains. It’s what makes bread have elasticity.

Here’s what God says about what we should eat:

Genesis 1:29

Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.”

Plants containing gluten (wheat, barley, rye…) aren’t what they used to be – how God made them in the Garden of Eden. These plants have been genetically modified, sprayed with pesticides, and don’t have the nutrients they used to because of overuse of the soil.

If you know anything about me and my health journey you know that I used to have an allergy to barley – which has gluten. So, for a long time I ate gluten free. Then I decided I really wanted a doughnut, so I ate a specific diet and took supplements to teach the cells in my gut to accept gluten again. And it worked!! I was able to eat doughnuts, and bread, and pasta, and pizza…

So, for a few years I ate whatever I wanted. Then, a few months ago I started having some digestive issues again. Really intense bloating, a gurgly tummy, cramping. So, I talked with my doctor and she believes my gluten allergy is back. 🤦🏻‍♀️

So, I am gluten free again. And probably for forever this time. Here’s why:

Gluten causes inflammation.

In everybody.

Whether you have a sensitivity to it or not.

It also causes the lining of your digestive tract (which is only one cell thick) to have loose junctures. When this happens food particles escape into your blood stream. Food isn’t supposed to be there so your body attacks it. This is called leaky gut. For some people, like me, this process is severe. Other people may not have any symptoms at all. It all depends on your body.

So, gluten isn’t good for anybody. Yet, it’s in soooo many things. Things you wouldn’t even consider. If you’re wanting to go gluten free it’s important to read labels. And be on the lookout for these things:

Flour

Barley

Wheat

Rye

Carmel color

Soy sauce

Yeast

Breading

Triticum

(This is just a sample list. There are a ton more things to watch out for.)

Also, be mindful of bath and body products, makeup, cleaning products, toothpaste, supplements, medications, etc. These things often contain gluten as well.

So, you’ll need to decide for you and your family what will be best for you.

And if you have questions please reach out! I’d be happy to give you more information, have a conversation with you, or help you go gluten free if you so desire.

Are You Whole Body Healthy?

If we are conscious about our health, then we probably have lots of knowledge about healthy things: what to eat, exercise, stress, sleep, etc.

What we do with that knowledge is what matters.

God says,


1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.


 

When we think about being healthy we need to consider all three parts of the body.

First, let’s consider the physical body. There are many components here. Our weight, how toned our muscles are, our skin, how we feel inside our own skin, our internal organs and how they are functioning, our elimination system, how our immune system works, hormones and how they affect physical responses…

We could go on and on about the physical parts of our body as it relates to health. So, I’ll ask you- On a scale of 1-10 how healthy is your physical body?

Most likely, we all have room for improvement (I know I do!). So, what is ONE thing that you can do to move the needle 1% forward in your physical health?

Next, let’s look at our mental health. This component may be even more important than the physical body. What we think about ourselves, others, and the world can greatly impact how we act, react, and how our physical body functions.

If our minds have negative or toxic thoughts flowing through or stored up to replay at a moments notice then our mental health is affecting every aspect of our daily lives- whether you realize it or not. It also affects how your digestion functions as well as how your endocrine system works (your hormones). If you feel out of whack then most likely it’s time to check on what is going through your mind.

So, I’ll ask you again to rate yourself- on a scale of 1-10 how healthy is your mind? What is one thing you can let go of today in your mind or thoughts to help move you forward towards a healthier you?


2 Corinthians 10:5

We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.


Finally, let’s look at our spiritual health. Research shows that people who have spiritual belief in God have more fulfillment in life and are happier. When our spiritual health is doing well we usually feel better about ourselves, our lives, and have a more positive outlook on what is happening in our lives and around us (even if it’s hard stuff going on).

Spiritual health means how much we realize we need Jesus and the extent to which we believe Him and believe in Him. Check in with your relationship with Jesus. How are you communicating with Him? Does He communicate back? Are you investing time and resources to further your relationship and knowledge of Him? If yes, keep going! If no, are you seeking Him with all your heart?


Jeremiah 29:13

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.


This may be the most important part of our health altogether. So, one more time I’ll ask- On a scale of 1-10 how is your spiritual health? What is one thing you could do to up-level your relationship with Jesus?

Which part of your body- physical, mental, or spiritual- needs the most work? What will you do to set yourself up for success in creating your body to be a healthier temple for Christ to dwell?

Our life is as fleeting as the flap of a butterfly’s wings. How can we make the most of it?

Need tips or guidance? Just ask!

I’m Done Hiding… to all the sinners out there

I’m done hiding.  

Hello. My name is Carrie and I’ve had an abortion.  No, I wasn’t raped.  I was just a college girl who let things go too far.  

And I hold zero judgement on anyone who has or has not had an abortion.

Here’s why.

God forgives. Period.

No matter what your sin is: you lied, you stole, you had an abortion, whatever… God sees all sin as equal. And he forgives all of it. No questions asked. No stipulations. If you truly repent and ask for forgiveness it’s yours.

That means I’m equal with you.

We’re both sinners.

Hebrews 8:12

For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.

And I want to encourage you!  If you’re in a place overwhelmed by sin you are not alone.  The God who made the entire universe is right there with you.  In the dark, in the grime, in the loneliness. And the only reason I can tell you this for certain is because of my own personal experience. 

When trying to begin the process of dealing with my sin, I actually told God that I wanted to try and work through this and heal on my own.  I didn’t need His help.  And I felt him sit back, cross his arms, smile, and say okay.  Little did I know that I wouldn’t get very far without Him.   

In the coming months I’ll be sharing more about my story. Because God told me to.

Honestly, if it were up to me I would’ve carried this deep, dark secret to the grave. But God had other plans. And I know what the devil intended for my harm, God will use for good! And I’ve had the experience of saying no to God before. And I ain’t even going there again.  Haha!

So, here we go. The secret is out. Because God told me that the time is now.

Letter for a Rainy Day

I found this letter I had written myself for a “rainy day.” You know, one of those days that nothing seems to be going right, depression begins to set in, and you can’t seem to focus on God’s goodness- no matter how hard you try. Perhaps it’ll help you for a rainy day too!

Dear Carrie,

You must be in the middle of a horrendous rain storm. Hail, lightening, severe wind, stinging rain, and dark clouds surround you. Don’t give up! The storm will pass. Sunshine is on the way!

While in the midst of this storm there are a few things to remember:

  • The task ahead of you is never as great as the power within you.

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:13

  • Guard your heart, but don’t lock it up.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Proverbs 4:23

  • God will be faithful to complete what He has started with you. He hasn’t quit. Don’t you quit either!

“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 1:6

  • Let go of control. God’s got this!
  • If something hasn’t gone right, try again!
  • Do you need to change your perspective? How is this storm good for you?

Even when we don’t understand what God is doing (and this horrible storm) we can still trust His promises.

Breathe!
Breathe!

Do something right now that will fill you up.

Smile, even though it hurts. You are loved and appreciated.

Old Hat, New Hat

“I think I’ll go get a new hat,” she said one day. “One that fits just right, is pretty, colorful, and everyone will just adore it!”

So, she set out in search of the perfect hat.

At the first store she found a purple one with bright yellow feathers. It made her feel like royalty. She wore it around the store for a few minutes, but it didn’t feel quite right. It didn’t feel like her. So, she moved on.

The next place drew her to try on a creme colored derby hat with a beautiful red ribbon around it. This one made her feel fun. But again, something didn’t feel right. And again, she moved on.

She thought for sure she would find one at her favorite hat store just another block down. She walked excitedly toward it.

When out of the blue, she ran into an old, dear friend. They chit-chatted a bit about family, life, the weather, and the upcoming bazaar at church. Her friend asked what she was doing in town today.

“I’m hunting a new hat,” she said. “One that fits just right, is pretty, colorful, and everyone will just adore it.”

“Oh,” said her friend somewhat confused. “You mean like the one you have on?”

“What? This old thing? I’ve had it for decades!”

“Well,” her friend said, “I think it suits you perfectly. It fits just right, is pretty, colorful, and everyone adores it!”

“Hmmm,” she thought. You just might be right.

How often do we feel like we are in a rut and decide we want something new, or want to change who we are, or change what we look like? And we might “try on” all sorts of new things: this diet or that diet, trendy clothes, a new job,or even a new town. When in fact, who we are in our core to begin with is what feels comfortable. It’s being true to ourselves and not conforming to the ways of the world. Not believing the lies that we’re not enough. Not believing the media that we have to look this way or act this way to be cool or be the best friend.

So often we try to run and hide from who we are. Because it’s scary to face the deep down. The hurts. The what if’s. The I wish I wouldnt’s. Know this:

God created you perfectly! Just as you are! No piece or part of you was a mistake.

And when we go and try to change that we’re telling God he made a mistake.

Sigh.

How many times have I been guilty of this very thing?!?! (too many)

So, how can we honor who God made us?

By believing we are enough. Just as we are. We are loved. We are cherished. And more than we could ever imagine. Believe.

Run Wild. Live Free. Love Strong.

“Are the walls to lock you in or to keep others away?  And if the doors were to be opened would you leave or would you stay?”

These are the first words in the song, “Run Wild” by for KING & COUNTRY.  I love this song and it resonates with me deeply.

See, about 10 years ago I had locked myself in a prison of my own making.  I allowed depression, anxiety, perfectionism, and co-dependency to rule my life.  And my prison became a safe place.  I knew what to expect (panic attacks, social anxiety, stomach pain…).  And as horrible as these things were I didn’t quite know how to escape.  And if I did what would the pain be like on the other side?  Worse perhaps?  Fear kept me trapped.

So, in working with a counselor (for many, many years) she showed me that the door was open and always had been.  I didn’t have to be in bondage to my emotions, feelings, and OCD-ness.  Yet, stepping out of the comfort zone was extremely hard.  And it took me awhile to actually shed the chains of imprisonment.

And what took even longer was shedding the effects of my imprisonment.  My hardened heart, my requirement for control in all situations, my tendency for enjoying being a hermit…

And if I’m honest those things still arise on occasion.  If I can be aware of when these things might rear their ugly head, then I can take steps to prevent them from taking over.  But if they blindside me then I become a prisoner in that moment.

So, I’m learning to be free again.  And if I’m honest… this freedom is pretty awesome.  I want to encourage you that if you feel imprisoned, you too can be free!

And the only way I can enjoy this freedom is because I know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus paid the price for my ugly sin.  He took on my shame, my imprisonment, my sin, and because He loves me so much I can live free.  And He tells us:

“You, my  brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh;  rather, serve one another humbly in love.”  Galatians 5:13 (NIV)

So, are you living free?  And what are you doing with your freedom?

Run wild.  Live free.  Love strong my friends.

God Specifically Said to Me…

“Encourage women with your story.”

For years- and I mean years- I knew that there was something God wanted me to do.

But He wouldn’t tell me what.

And then one Sunday morning about 4 years ago, out of the blue, I was sitting in church and God spoke to my heart. He said, I want you to encourage women with your story.” The words were so loud I actually looked around the room to see if anyone else heard them.

Nope. Just me.

At first I was excited to finally know my task. But 5 seconds later I was in mortal dread. What?!?? My story? My deepest, darkest secret?!?!  Nooooooooooo!!!!!

 

Anything but that God.

I can’t.

Bam. Anxiety attack.

 

Needless to say, I didn’t hear much of the sermon that day. My mind was racing. My heart was beating out of my chest. And I was at church by myself. Nobody to whisper to, “Hey! God just spoke to me.”

I felt alone. Like I had for the previous 15 years.

See, I held my secret – the I had an abortion secret- in for 10 years without telling a single soul.  I internalized the trauma and became very sick- mentally, emotionally, and physically. I was having anxiety and panic attacks. I developed ulcers and food allergies. I was in immense pain. I was severely depressed. I thought about cutting myself everyday to release some of the pain. And I wanted to die.

And I didn’t realize all these symptoms were from the stress of trying to be perfect enough so nobody would find out about my secret.

Through counseling (with an amazing woman – Thank you, Sybil!) I was able to learn to manage and eventually control my anxiety.  This took years!  I’m talking like 6 or 7 of them.  But, what I didn’t realize at the time was that God was molding me and shaping me into a new calling.  He was getting me ready for what He wanted me to do – encourage women with my story.  

Being that I have an absolutely terrible memory, I am digging out all my old journals.  I will be using them to remind me of the hard times (and I’m feeling the anxiety rising as I do this) so I can share, encourage, and love on you with my story.  

The raw, real truth of it.  

Hang on friends.  It’s going to be a bumpy ride.  But, one thing I know for sure – the bumps are what smooth us out in the end. Kinda like rocks on a shore line.  Smooth, shiny, and beautiful.  But they didn’t get like that in a day.  It takes years of tumbling.  

 

Here’s a prayer I found in a journal that I had written for myself in November of 2015:

 

 

 

God,

I commit this calling to you. I don’t have any idea how, what, where, when this will come to fruition. I feel uncertain and wonky. I feel my anxiety growing inside me. I lay down my burdens, anxieties, and fears at your feet. I will let you take care of the details. I will honor you as my Father by allowing you to be in control.