I’m Done Hiding… to all the sinners out there

I’m done hiding.  

Hello. My name is Carrie and I’ve had an abortion.  No, I wasn’t raped.  I was just a college girl who let things go too far.  

And I hold zero judgement on anyone who has or has not had an abortion.

Here’s why.

God forgives. Period.

No matter what your sin is: you lied, you stole, you had an abortion, whatever… God sees all sin as equal. And he forgives all of it. No questions asked. No stipulations. If you truly repent and ask for forgiveness it’s yours.

That means I’m equal with you.

We’re both sinners.

Hebrews 8:12

For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.

And I want to encourage you!  If you’re in a place overwhelmed by sin you are not alone.  The God who made the entire universe is right there with you.  In the dark, in the grime, in the loneliness. And the only reason I can tell you this for certain is because of my own personal experience. 

When trying to begin the process of dealing with my sin, I actually told God that I wanted to try and work through this and heal on my own.  I didn’t need His help.  And I felt him sit back, cross his arms, smile, and say okay.  Little did I know that I wouldn’t get very far without Him.   

In the coming months I’ll be sharing more about my story. Because God told me to.

Honestly, if it were up to me I would’ve carried this deep, dark secret to the grave. But God had other plans. And I know what the devil intended for my harm, God will use for good! And I’ve had the experience of saying no to God before. And I ain’t even going there again.  Haha!

So, here we go. The secret is out. Because God told me that the time is now.

My Story in Songs

Before I was a health coach, before Ignite Life, and before courage, God spoke to my heart.  He told me, “I want you to encourage women with your story.”

My first reaction was NOOOOOO!!!! Anything but that!

But, I have had the experience of saying no to God and know what happens.  And I didn’t want to experience that again.  So, over the past four or five years God has been preparing me to tell my story.  He’s given me opportunities to tell small groups of people and a few friends and family.  And now he’s asking me to go public with my story.  Sigh.

And if you know anything about me you probably know part of my story:  the depression, anxiety, food allergies, etc.  But you might not know the rest of the story.

So, while I wait for him to guide me in exactly how He wants me to do that I’ll offer a few sneak peaks.

Music is huge in my life.  It moves my soul like nothing else, and it is a form of worship for me.  During the last ten or so years there have been some songs that I clung to during different periods of time that I think help you see where I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  These songs also give you a glimpse of the goals I had during those times too.  Take a listen and see if any of these songs resonate with where you are in your journey.  I’m including a few lyrics that specifically spoke to me during those times.

“Take Me to the King” by Tamela Mann

“Truth is I’m tired, options are few, I’m trying to pray, but where are you?  I’m all churched out, hurt and abused, I can’t fake, what’s left to do?  Take me to the king, I don’t have much to bring, my heart’s torn into pieces, it’s my offering.”

 

“Awesome” by Charles Jenkins & Fellowship Chicago

“My God is awesome.  He can move mountains.  Keep me in the valley, hide me from the rain.  My God is awesome, heals me when I’m broken, strength where I’ve been weakened, praise His holy name.”

“Marvelous Light” by Ellie Holcomb

“With years of keeping secrets safe, wondering if I could change, ’cause when you’re hiding all along, your heart can turn into a stone, and that’s not the way I want to go”

“If We’re Honest” by Francesca Battistelli

“Truth is harder than a lie, the dark seems safer than the light, and everyone has a heart that loves to hide, I’m a mess and so are you, we’ve built walls nobody can get through…”

“Shoulders” by For King and Country

“I look up to the mountains, Does my strength come from the mountains?  No, my strength comes from God, who made heaven and earth, and the mountains”

“It is Well” by Bethel Music

“Far be it from me to not believe, even when my eyes can’t see, and this mountain that’s in front of me, will be thrown into the midst of the sea.  It is well with my soul.”

And I continue to have songs that resonate with me more different weeks or seasons.  What song or songs do you cling to?  What songs give you hope, peace, comfort, support on your journey?